Desperate Attempt to Generate Buzz For Hillary’s Failing Campaign Causes HQ Relocation to Colorado

August 2, 2015 3:01 pmViews: 152

Hillary Clinton Colorado campaign headquarters




Unexpectedly, Hillary Clinton is not generating the political buzz analysts and campaign managers had hoped for. Her lackluster performances, refusal to do interviews and general disdain for the press has given her decidedly low numbers in most polls. But now, in an attempt to generate more buzz for her run for the presidency, campaign manager Abby Hoffminor has decided to move Hillary Clinton Election headquarters to the state of Colorado.

A particular city has not been decided as more research needs to be done, but manager Hoffminor said in a statement, "Our interns are on the job doing copious research to find the most buzzworthy city in Colorado. If they can manage to stay reasonably alert while looking for a buzz, they will report back as soon as possible."

One excited intern who spoke with us was thrilled to be in Colorado looking for a buzz, "I love Colorado and it's very easy to find a buzz just about anywhere. You don't have to look very hard, you can find one on most corners in any major city," exclaimed Jamie Hendrickson, "but we are still on the job talking to locals to find the best buzz and community vibe in Colorado."

Bugle fingersUnfortunately, finding a buzz for Hillary may be just a little harder. When an advance campaign management team was sent to Pueblo to check on the buzz seeking interns, what they found was disturbing. Upon entering an apartment rented for a group of interns, what management team member Richie Havenstone found, was a living-room littered with Dominos pizza boxes, multiple bags of half eaten potato chips and various other fun style munchies. The only intern in the apartment at the time was said to have had 5 Bugles corn snacks stuck to the fingers of one hand while watching reruns of the Twilight Zone.

Apparently, variously kinds of marijuana paraphernalia was found as well. Richie Havenstone could be heard speaking in a muffled tone, "Didn't this team get the message on what kind of buzz we were looking for? It was supposed to be a Hillary buzz."

Right in the middle of the inspection, intern Johnnie Sommers returned to the apartment and speaking with an slightly perturbed outside voice, said to Havenstone, "Dude, where's my freakin bong?"

Hillary was said to be looking forward to the move to Colorado, but could not be reached for comment.

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