Top 10 World’s Biggest Pie Holes

February 1, 2013 1:58 pmViews: 3935

There are all kinds of lists for the top 10 biggest buildings, the tallest waterfalls, to the biggest holes in the earth made by man or by nature, but who has the biggest pie holes on Earth? What's a pie hole you ask? It's that gaping chasm in the front of your cranium that you stuff slices of pumpkin, apple, chocolate and key lime pie in or whatever else you and Mrs Smith cooked up for snack time.

In getting back to which earthlings could win awards for the biggest ones seen in public, those possessing the ginormousest (not really a word) caverns amongst us would be found in the sub-species known as politicians and those that bloviate about them. The top 10 biggest pie holes reside on the skulls of those that mostly cavort in liberal circles where feelings and intentions reign supreme over facts and reality. No need to talk about them any longer, let's just see who belongs in the pie hole zoo.

We present to you, in no particular order, the world's top 10 biggest pie holes:

Nancy Pelosi's Pie Hole

1. Nancy Pelosi - If you think Harry Reid doesn't make any sense, you are as baffled by Nancy Pelosi as we are. How this woman can convince a group of people to continually keep voting for her is one of the biggest, most enigmatic mysteries of our time. Either she is paying them or giving them mind altering drugs, no wait, we mean reality altering drugs.

2. Harry Reid - Harry walks to the beat of another drummer, no doubt. Unfortunately, that drummer is tapping on the inside of Harry's head and no one else can hear him. Harry's second most favorite thing to do is get in front of a camera and talk, talk, talk out of his pie hole. Harry's most favorite thing to do is not make any sense. Harry's top two favorite things don't make a good combination.

Obama's big fat pie hole

3. Barack Obama - The king of bloviators and the only know human (if that's what he really is) who can take a yes or no question and turn it into a 3 season mini-series of saying absolutely nothing. Besides winning the Nobel Peace Prize about 30 seconds into his first term (we're still trying to figure out what the hell for), the Nobel committee is figuring out how to give him another prize, this one for Soundbitiness (another made up word). Obama spent his fist 4 year term traveling the country endlessly repeating the sound bites, "roads and bridges," "ask the rich to pay their fair share," and "balanced approach." He will spend his entire next term in office learning a fourth soundbite.

4. Alex Jones - Alex, Alex, Alex, you have some great stuff, but you have the delivery of a rabid hyena stealing road kill from a pack of vultures. Sorry that you are the only conservative on the list. Are you constipated or what?

5. Andrea Mitchell - Andrea "Facts Don't Matter" Mitchell is all about news and all about business. She never smiles, she never deviates from the talking points and she rarely ever tells the truth in her mostly pointless stories. She doesn't appear to breathe either. We are investigating whether or not she is a human or a machine.

Chris Matthews pie hole

6. Chris Matthews - The first word Chris Matthews ever learned was "racist." If you don't hold to Tingles Matthews' worldview then you are a racist. If you don't like Barack Obama, you are a racist. If you think the sky is black at night, you, my friend are a racist. If Chris Matthews isn't stuffing his pie hole with slices of lemon meringue delight, he is calling someone a racist (or either inadvertently spitting on them). We have heard that he thinks Obama white half is also racist.

Joe Biden's Enormous Pie Hole

7. Joe Biden - While Joe may not be the best Vice President on record, he most certainly is the funniest, most socially awkward one. Judging by some of the statements out of Biden's pie hole, we're not sure he knows the difference between being at a wedding or a funeral or between how you should act in a church or a strip bar (not that we visit strip bars). Sometimes when Uncle Joe travels along with the President and they stay overnight on state business a campaign stop, they park Air Force One in Joe's mouth.

8. Al Gore - Robot, crisis exploiter extraordinaire and former Vice President Al Gore has used the climate change mantra to make himself a billionaire. Mr Gore bashes the SUV, warns us about rising sea levels and CO2, makes inconvenient propaganda films and builds TV networks (we guess he got his experience from building the internet). To take a break from all that busyness, Mr Gore relaxes in huge limos driven with a private driver to all his functions and then returns to his 28,000 square foot home while trying to figure out how to calculate which is bigger, his carbon foot print or his pie hole.

9. Michael Moore - Not only does Michael Moore have an enormous pie hole, he is probably the richest person on this list. Mr Moore spends his time touring around the country speaking at Occupy events (and eating at restaurants, LOTS of restaurants) decrying the very capitalist system that has he used to make his millions.

Jesse Jackson Al Sharpton pie hole

10. Jesse Jackson / Al Sharpton - These guys tied for the number one biggest pie hole in the world because they are the most opportunist race baiters that currently inhabit the biosphere and consume oxygen while spewing CO2 into the atmosphere. Individually, either one of these camera hogs could consume an entire Mrs Smith pie factory, but together they could give the black hole (no, that isn't racist it's astronomy. Okay, it's astro-racist then) eating stars at the center of the Milky Way a run for its money. Honestly, why aren't these guys married to each other yet?

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